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2004-08-19 - 9:08 a.m.

I suppose for some it will be a surprise (shock, even), for others it will be no surprise at all, for others it will be�well, I imagine they will wish it weren�t true. But, alas, it is. It is time. It is not overdue, but it definitely is time.

Time to kneel before God, Buddha, Mohammed, the Universe and any other Almighty and ask: Why?

Having been asking myself this question for now almost 30 years, and traveling all over (Germany, Poland, Hungary, Wash DC, NYC, etc) trying to find pieces of an encrypted answer; I realize that it is down to just two of us. No museum, no memorial, no Gedankstette, no library, no book or Goldhagen study. It is just He/She and I.

And, finally, I am prepared.

So, yes, I will visit Israel soon, I do not know exactly when, but Jadem and I have talked about a trip to Lebanon in November, so maybe at the same time.

I remember stepping in to Birkenau, and being so surprised that I was able to walk there, that I was able to wander. What happened? Where were all the people I was expecting? Not instantly turning to dust and being carried away by wind left me with such a feeling of disappointment, such a loss of hope. The sadness at once enveloped and surrounded me.

This time it will be different.

This time I am not leaving without an answer.

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