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2004-09-11 - 5:22 p.m. "Hi Bean" "Hi" "Are you hanging in there?" "Yeah, I am a little down, but ya know, I guess it's for the best. Just sad, again. It comes and goes" "I will be there tomorrow, my plane gets in at 7:30" "I will come out to the airport and meet you" "I was hoping you would" "Yep, I'll be there" "Bean?" "Yeah?" "I can't wait to hold you" "Oh?" "Oh yes, I just can't wait. It has been so long" "That's nice, really" "I love you Bean, see you tomorrow." "Ok, safe flight" Looking at my freshly made bed I decide to just nap, maybe nap and then go eat something and come back and sleep, sleep until tomorrow. Try to sleep away the sadness. Kisses and hugs the next day at the airport. Late at night, remembering what it's like to have someone really love you. Love you for you. All your crazy mixed up neurotic trying to figure it out trying to get it together trying to do it right for once self. "Bean?" (In a whisper) "Yeah?" (In a whisper) "Do you think you will stay here in Paris?" "For now, I guess" "Do you like it here?" "I fit here" "But, are you happy? I mean, with just one friend and all?" "I'll make more. Are you asking if I am lonely?" "Well, I guess, yes" "Yes" "Oh, Bean, are you sure this is right? I'm not trying to change your mind, I just..." "I know, I understand" "Well" "I guess, I guess I came here for a reason" "But you don't know what it is?" "Yeah, I do" "But you don't want to share it?" "I haven't figured out how to explain it. I'm not sure I really get it myself, yet." "I see. Bean?" "Yeah?" "It feels good to hold you." "Feels good to hold you, too" "I wish I could take away your sadness" "Only I can do that. I have hurt some people and I have to live with that" "But Bean, if you can hurt, you can heal" "I can try, but I need help" "Help from whom? I can help" "No, I need the assistance of time and the knowledge of how." "How what?" "How to be an adult" "But you are an adult." "Only on paper, but I am trying"
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