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2005-02-03 - 3:17 p.m. Three loads of laundry in at the Laverie down the street and I am back in my apartment, waiting for 40 minutes until it will be time to go back down the street and put everything in the HOT HOT HOT French dryers. Remind me to send a note to Catalina and thank her for being such a wonderful housekeeper for those years on SL Blvd., and then on Del Monte. Oh, Catalina, why was I so caught up in my life I couldn�t even write �Thanks, great job!� on the memo line of the check I left for you every Thursday for years. What a shit I was. But then again, maybe that would have been condescending? No, a good job noted is a good job noted, and I was always too busy looking for the spots you missed when I would get home Thursday night. What a shit I was. And here I am now, living a pauper�s existence in the most beautiful of cities, and doing my own laundry for the first time in forever, and I can�t get the sheets nearly as nice as you always did. If I had the extra money I would send you some flowers, but for now a note is going to have to suffice. Toni Childs recorded her first new song in forever for Eve Ensler�s VDay project. Grady told me about it when I was feeling down the other day, I bought it from iTunes and have been listening to it non-stop. Because You�re Beautiful. It�s my new anthem. The idea of just being human is so new to me. Just being. I sent Piglet a note the other day, full of my revelations since obsessing on the song. It�s the time to reach for the stars now. It�s the time to believe in your self. Dream with me now! I just love; it hit the spot. Grady; thank you. It has just opened up this window in me, anything and everything is possible, but it is up to me to make it happen. M just fell in to my life, but I didn�t make that relationship happen, I let it happen to me. And now I fully understand my role in its failure. M, if you ever read this; I get it, and I must say to you how very sorry I am. M, you are a wonderful man, I hope you truly know how just exceptional you are! Be good. I am always here for you. Stay focused :) :) (an inside joke between us). Still surrounded by boxes I just can�t wait to get to Berlin! To unpack, to find a spot for everything, to arrange, to buy a few more pieces of furniture, to buy a washer and dryer (there are hook-ups, yes!!). I have a return ticket on Air France for June 2, I didn�t really want to go back to America for a vacation, but the ticket is going to expire and I didn�t want to waste it and the upgrade miles I already applied towards it. Oddly, now I am a bit excited to go, if only to see friends and remove some of my belongings from the storage center (aka, Trixie�s garage). I want to bring my pots and pans back, and my good knives, I want to teach myself to cook. I want all my stuff with me now, my mementos, and artwork, all of it! I want my life to really be anchored in Berlin. It�s time to stop sailing, to stop wandering, to drop anchor. Berlin is what I have decided. And I can make it happen. Because I am capable of any success I work for. And I will touch them. Because I am beautiful. We are beautiful. � � 
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