02.03.05 - 12:00

What was supposed to be my happy day has, within an hour, become a sehr, tres, and very, shitty day. So excited to have a telephone (and also internet) installed in my flat today I woke at 7:30, even though the folks from Deutsche Telekom were not expected until between 8 and 10. Since the video intercom system is not yet installed I wanted to make sure I put a note down on the front door instructing the DT people to call me on my mobile so I could come downstairs and let them in. Knowing the Germans rather well, I knew if they came to the front door and there was no way to ring tenants then they would just walk away (I miss the concierge of my Paris building). Since I was up, I brushed my teeth and then coaxed Junior out of bed to go for a walk. As we walked through the snow I noticed a man getting out of a tiny work truck, squinting (not wearing my glasses or contacts) I could just make out the large pink T of the Telecom logo, I asked the man if he were here for an 8-10 appointment, �Ya, bin Ich, sind Sie Herr Bean?� he answered. �Ya, bin Ich� I said, excitedly, telling Junior to wrap it up the 3 of us headed in to the building. I was so happy�in minutes I would have a telephone!

As we rode the elevator I asked him if he had brought equipment to make �jacks� since I had noticed there were none in the flat. Not knowing the word for �jacks� we had a humorous few minutes until he pulled one from his bag and said with a smile �Ist klar�
Once inside I busied myself with making coffee and let this large man go about his business, I have to say, the Germans love a uniform, he was dressed head to toe in gray flannel, and somewhat resembled the Michelin man (due to his size). A few more laughable minutes as I deciphered that he was asking me where I wanted phone jacks (my German is much better than my French, but having never had to rent my own apartment here I am learning all kinds of new technical words) and it looked like we were on our way. When he asked me to take him to the basement I was relieved I had been down there once before and that my key opened all the doors down there. Soon we discovered it opened all of them but one, and of course, this was the door he needed opened.

Surprisingly kind, he said not to worry, he had another appointment in the building today and would come back at 10 and did I have the number for the Hausverwaltung (management company), if so he would call and ask them to come open the locked door. After he hung up I knew the news was not good, he seemed irritated. �Toll, der Mann ist jetzt nicht in Berlin� he said. What?? The man with the key is not in Berlin? How can that be? The DT man seemed annoyed, like this happened a lot and did not follow the rule of German efficiency (and I would have to agree). He said I now needed to find out when the man would be back in Berlin and then make a new appointment. Knowing that this one had taken a week to get I was instantly in a bad mood. No phone I can handle, but no internet (even dial-up) was fast becoming a pain in my ass. As the man left, I stood in the middle of my empty apartment (except a mattress on the floor in my bedroom) and started to get angry, this whole thing was taking too long, I wanted things in order!

Pissed and grumpy, I decided to go down the street and get a bagel. Ok Bean, I said to myself, this is just a wrinkle, and calm down, you were the one who chose to live in a brand new building, you knew there would be little problems like this. Entering the lobby on my way back up to my flat I saw the man with the bad teeth in the green overalls I had seen many times. Taking a chance, I asked if he had a key to that room and was delighted to hear him say �Ya�. I ran upstairs and grabbed my mobile phone and called the main DT office and explained what happened and begged them to send the Michelin man back, after a few minutes on hold they said he could be here Tues. (tomorrow) morning! Yeah, I skipped back down the stairs and told Mr. Greenjeans that DT would be here tomorrow, could he also? He said he would open the door for me today and just make sure I lock it when DT was done. �Danke, danke, danke� I said, like a wallflower that has just been asked to her first prom.

Filled with good vibes I decided to take care of some other moving business. I phoned the German movers who were supposed to deliver my stuff either last Friday (which they didn�t) or today, I wanted to tell them if they were coming today it could not be between 2-3 because I had yet another appointment (my third) with my new bank to, hopefully, finally open an account. I realize how lucky I was to have had the help of Madame Baudel in Paris, she had actually taken me to her branch of Societe General and �introduced� me, so there were no hassles to opening my French bank account, here in Berlin it was not that easy of a task. Having no Visa, and no job, the bank was rather skeptical, thankfully though, I had a woman account rep that seemed to have taken a liking to me, and she had said she would try to figure a way to open an account. On my second meeting, she said that if I could provide a fax of employment verification from an American company, then they would have no problem opening an account.

Trouble with that is � I don�t work. But having been in the creative field I knew this was going to be easy to fake. One call to Job and soon I had a letter written on professional letterhead from an Artists Management Company, stating I was employed by them and was covering Western Europe for �Lifestyle� magazines and �Travel� sections of American newspapers. God, I love Job. He had even created a tagline/slogan stating something about having the world covered by their stable of Writers, Photographers, and Designers. He really did a great job, and I was impressed at his restraint when he signed the letter Sr. Management Representative and not President. Fingers crossed, the fax will do the trick when I meet with the bank again today.

Anyway, back to the movers, I called the German company and after being on hold for 5 minutes the woman said �Yes, no problem, we will be in Paris on the 21st and we can bring your goods to you one week later.� WHAT!!??!!??!!?? �No, no, no, I am here now, my goods were to be to me now.� I stammered. �Well, that is the best we can do� she said. Anger rising, I hung up and called the French company that had picked up my stuff. �Hi Jeff, it�s Bean� I said when he picked up the phone. �Ahh, yes, Bean, we have a slight pro..� he started to say. �Jeff, I can�t live without my clothes and furniture for a month, this last week has been hard enough� I shot out. �Yes, Bean, we are looking for another German company to take your belongings right now,� he answered. �Jeff, I am not very happy,� I said. �Bean, I will have an answer for you today� he said.

Fuck. No house phone, no furniture, nothing. This is driving me crazy. I mean, one week, I can handle, but another month�no way!

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