21.03.05 - 09:09

Still recovering from the fiasco of my afternoon with Erich, I came home the other day and popped on a DVD from Sex and the City, a program I use to really like until it ended its series run with Mr. Big showing up in Paris to rescue Carrie from Mr. Petrovsky. Ok, yes, there were a few teary moments when the series ended, I had always liked it, but I cry bullshit that they wrapped it up with her ending up with Mr. Big, sorry, that just doesn�t happen in real life, and except with the haute couture outfits worn by women (especially Carrie) that supposedly can�t afford them, the show use to stay in the realm of reality if not absolute truth. But as I watched I was paying more attention to the group of four and their tight friendship, having decided to be friendless for now as opposed to hanging out with Erich, I took a little trip down memory lane to visit my own various groups and individual friends, buddies, pals, and confidants, sprinkled throughout the United States, France and Spain.

After an hour or so of sitting on the couch and listening to music and reflecting on my vast and varied collection of friends I was�

Depressed. Depressed as hell.

It�s no easy task to make friends, it helps if you have an office to go to every day (which I do not) or are in school (which I am not). So, as I sat on the couch, really questioning what the fuck I was doing in Berlin, a minimum 2-hour plane ride away from the nearest friend, and a 10-hour plane ride away from true soul mates (ok, that�s kind of cheating since Piglet is only 3.5 hours by plane) but you get the point. Even though the phone was sitting in its cradle, waiting to be used (how many things can you really say that about) it just wasn�t going to do. I wanted someone here, someone now; I want someone to have coffee with and play judging games as people walk by. Sometimes Grady and I would sit and watch people and play Gay or European? Foxie and I use to meet for coffee every Sat morning and then guess the weight of people standing on line. At lunch away from the studio Nini, Elle and I use to place bets on who was going to quit/get fired next. You know, fun stuff. Pebbles and I use to meet for very expensive dinners around town and since I was a client of hers, she could put them on her business amex. Job, Ella and I use to go to Caf� Stella (amazing French restaurant) for wine and french fries at least twice a week. Ahh, yes, the gang, the kids, the groups, I miss them all so much.

So, to snap myself out of this depression I decided to take the bull by the horns, I needed an answer, I needed proof, I needed a promise, I needed to know this was the right place for me to be, and the right time. Because, seriously, if it was time to pack it in, move back to LA, get (yet another) job at (yet another) movie studio, I needed to know right away. One thing I am not is a slow mover; if the universe tells me to do something, I don�t sit on my ass, I do it. Looking for concrete and rational advice, I grabbed my phone book and looked up the number to a woman I had rented an apartment from in LA for a few years before I bought my house (I have an odd thing with landlords, if they are an older woman I always get along very well with them). On the second ring she picked up.

�Good morning 2827� (she�s British and answers the phone as if she were still in London)

�Hi Lindy, it�s Bean� I said

�Oh my goodness, Bean, what the devil are you up to? Are you looking for a place to live?� she asked

�Oh, no, sorry, but you know if I was, I would call you first� I said

�Well, my goodness, how are you, where are you? I haven�t heard from you in ages. Are you still in that house on Del Monte?� she asked

�No, I sold it. And moved, and well, that�s kind of why I am calling� I said

�Did you buy something else? Are you in town?� she asked

�Well, I moved to Paris, and then just recently to Berlin� I said

�Oh my, you are the world explorer, aren�t you? How is your little dog?� she asked

�Fine, she�s fine, she here with me. What about your bunch?� I asked

�Oh, I�ve got a new lab (she is a big dog person), we are back up to 3 since Piddle died, poor thing, such a shame, she was such a lovely dog really� she says

�I�m sorry to hear about that�� I said, and then she cut me off.

�Are you calling me FROM Berlin?� she asked

�Uh, yeah� I said

�Good God, and here I am chatting about. What did you need?� she asked

�Oh, don�t worry, it�s not too expensive� I said (funny, all people in that age bracket think calling Europe from the US or Vise Versa is still like 2 dollars a minute. It�s not.)

�Well, what can I do for you love?� she asked

�I was hoping you could put me in touch with someone that could do my chart.� I asked.

Now, let me point out why I chose to ask her. The management company she owned to manage her 3 buildings was called Pieces Properties, if that doesn�t tell you someone is in to Astrology then I don�t know what would.

�Your chart? Oh, well, God, I haven�t had mine done in almost 2 years� she said �Let me think a tick to remember who I used�

�Ok� I said. �You want me to call you back?� I asked

�No, dear, I got it. I, let me just look for her card here� she added, �Yes, here you are dear, it�s a Winifred, and she is in Tulsa in Oklahoma, do you have a pen?� she asked

�Yep� I said

�Ok, here is her number, oh, and she�s also got email, you can phone her and set up and then you can email questions and such� she said, adding �And tell her you are calling from Berlin, she can be full winded sometimes, if I remember, best if you have her email you the information�

�Great, oh, that�s great, I knew you could point me in the right direction� I said

�It was lovely to hear from you Bean, everything going well for you?� she asked

Pausing just a half second longer than I should have, she added.

�Well, it all straightens out eventually doesn�t it love?�

�Here�s hoping so,� I said

�Right, I know it will, look at me, still on and about at my age, not to worry� she said

�Do you have email? I can send you a note from time to time� I asked

�That would be lovely, yes, please do, here�s my email number,� (number, how cute) she said

�Ok then, I guess I should be off� I said

�Yes, of course, ok Bean, you take care, don�t let the Germans take you to task, you know what they are capable of, they can be right pushy sometimes� she said, laughing.

�Nope, I won�t, I can hold my ground if needed� I said. Adding �Thanks so much!�

YES! I was close to answers, close to real advice, close to knowing if I was on the right path or if it was time to get out of dodge.

�Hi, I got your number from Lindy X, I would like to have my chart done. Oh, and I am calling from Europe� I said

�Yes, ok, can I get some information from you?� the woman said

Name: Bean

DOB: 4 Sept. 1967

Time: 8:12 a.m.

Place: Seattle, WA. USA

�Ok, that will get me started. Since you are in Europe could I get your email and your mailing address? I will do a preliminary and send it to you over email, then the whole chart I can work on and mail to you. Do you have any specific questions or areas?� she asked

�No, just in general, am I ruining my life? Will I ever find love? Will I be pretty, will I be rich?� I said

Laughing �Ok, I understand. Is this your first chart?� she asked

�My first full chart, yes. But I have had runes drawn, been to a numerologist (a few times), had my palm read, and consulted last year with a intuitive guide in Montana, but that was focused on one situation.� I answered

�Alright, well I will work the preliminary today and send that off to you, along with my address for you to mail payment, which is 200 dollars, alright?� she asked

�Sure, I just mail you a check?� I asked

�Yes, you�re a Virgo, you�re good for it I am sure� she said (I couldn�t tell if she was being funny)

�Great!� I said, �How long do the charts take?� I asked

�Oh, I would assume I could have it done for you in about 10 days time� she said

�Great! Anything else?� I asked

�Nope, that�s it for now, email me if you have specific questions, and when you get the full chart you can email for help in interpretation� she said

�Ok, well, thanks!� I said

�Goodbye Bean� she said

I don�t know what it was about the way she said goodbye, but I got a weird feeling, like she was already getting big vibes on me, as if she already had knowledge about my life. In a weird way, it kind of creeped me out. Eek. Now I am a bit nervous. Oy, I wonder what�s going on with me. Ok, narcissist, calm down, she�s a psychic; of course she�s a bit odd. So, nothing to do but wait, obsess, check emails every 5 minutes, maybe I should go for a walk. Ok, that�s a good idea. Get out of here, and out of your head for a minute.

I wonder if I am going to win the German lotto?

Or get hit by a German tram?

Or should I move back to Paris?

Or to Spain?

Or to LA?

Will I settle down with Mr. Fashion? Or Brooklyn? Or anyone?

Will I have my own talk show?

Oh man, ok, I gotta go for a walk.

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