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2005-02-08 - 11:53 a.m. Dato, my father, took my sister Wonder skiing for 4 days in Lake Tahoe. �Why?� I asked my mom, Meta. �Well, there isn�t any snow here in Seattle� she answered while she plugged away on the new quilt she is making (I could tell she was sewing and talking). �But, you and Dato just got back from a week of skiing in Utah� I volleyed, somewhat like an annoyed kid. �Bean, there isn�t any snow here, and you know how Dato and Wonder live for winter� she said. �But, I mean, you and Dato are going back to Utah this month again for more skiing.� I said, starting to get my feelings hurt, and I wasn�t sure why. �Honey Bean, why does it bother you, do you want to got skiing with Dato?� she asked �I don�t know, seems an illogical question since I live in Europe.� I shot back. �Right, so don�t let it bother you� Meta said. My voice raising ever so slightly �It doesn�t bother me, I don�t care� I said. But I think we both knew I was lying. It doesn�t though, not really. I don�t know why I even let it annoy me for the slightest minute. Why, why, why? I kept asking myself all night. Does it bother me? Did it bother me because my sister has a husband and 3 great kids and she just runs off to Tahoe with my dad for 4 days of fun? Did it bother me because no one ever invites me to the Alps for skiing? Does it bother me that I can�t help wondering if I was still in Los Angeles if I would have been included, given a 4 day holiday just because Seattle�s weather isn�t cooperating with Dato and Wonder�s idea of a winter wonderland? I reminded myself that I thought the entire state of Nevada was tacky beyond words and I wouldn�t have gone anyway. Watching The Hours (for about the 50th time) that night I got to the scene where Vanessa visits Virginia in Richmond. �Things are ridiculous in London� Vanessa says. �Ridiculous? How?� says Virginia �Oh, we had a dinner to give, it was just�I didn�t invite you because I knew you couldn�t come� Vanessa says, realizing she has hurt Virginia. �Even crazy people, Vanessa, like to be asked� Virginia says, quietly. Dato doesn�t have close relationships with anyone, not even Meta, in fact, often I notice the only person he really shows great affection for is Wonders middle girl Frizz, but it�s no surprise, she�s a carbon copy of Dato, athletic, bold, a daredevil. And, actually, I wouldn�t say it is even affection he shows, it is more along the lines of interest, he doesn�t show affection towards anyone. Frizz worships Dato. Dato doesn�t miss one of her sporting events, not one, regardless of where it is played. Regional games in California? Get on a plane! Three finals games back-to-back on a Saturday? Work can wait! The kid can snow ski, snowboard, water ski, she�s on two championship soccer teams, indoor and outdoor, she shoots hoops with Dato on the newly installed basketball court at the house (whose idea was that??) she�s even the only one of the kids that can give Dato a run for his money at billiards. Lest we forget she is a straight A student, tall and thin, pretty and with a sense of humour that keeps the whole extended family laughing. Frizz asked Dato to take her and a friend to the World Cup in Germany next year (Meta, get tickets, Dato instructs). Uh, hello, I live in Berlin (in 10 days); no one is here going to the Judisches Gedankstette with me. My God, am I jealous of a 13 year old? �Even crazy people, Vanessa, like to be asked� Eager to see how the bonding ski trip went I phoned Wonder upon her return. �So, I hear you and Dato went skiing for a few days, how was it?� I asked, trying to mask my agenda. �It was great, the snow was perfect� Wonder replied. �Oh, yeah, cool, how was it with just you and Dato?� I egged. �Fine, he had some business associates there for the weekend, that made for boring dinners� she said. Score one for Bean. �Oh yeah, boring, I can imagine.� I said, a bit happier. �But one guy was from New Zealand, he was really great, very charming� she added. Score one for Wonder. �Hmm, so what else? What was the hotel like?� I asked. Geez, Bean, what are you doing?? I thought. �Nice, you know, Dato nice, my room was decent, he had a nice terrace off of his with a beautiful view, mine was across the hall, faced a hill, it was nice, not Stein Eriksson nice, but close� she said. �Well, it�s Vegas, what can you expect?� I snidely remarked. �It was Tahoe, idiot, Vegas is a desert� she said. �Vegas, Tahoe, the whole state is gross.� I said. �Well, they�ve got amazing snow, sure beats Seattle right now� she answered, finally cluing in to my jealousy. �Gee, what are you going to do if it doesn�t snow this WHOLE winter in Seattle?� I childishly remarked. �Bean, c�mon, it was 4 days skiing with Dato, fun during the day because we are skiing, boring at night because I sat in my room and read when we weren�t eating dinner� she said. Unable to stop myself I ask, �Did you talk about me?� �No, oh, yes, I guess I asked if you had moved to Berlin yet. Dato said he didn�t know� she answered, honestly, damn her. WHAT? OUCH! �Oh, well, no I am in Paris still� I said, quietly. �I know, I asked Meta when she picked us up at the airport,� she said. Still just wanting to pin myself down in depression I ask �That�s it? Just am I in Berlin? Nothing else? Nothing?� �Well, at dinner one night Dato asked if I got your occasional emails, he said he thought they were funny, but yeah that�s it� she said. I am going to vomit. Funny? I am the funny kid? That�s it? We don�t know where the fuck he lives, but boy can he write one witty fucking email. �Bean, it�s not like Dato asked me anything about my life, you know how he is. All he talked about was work, and when those men showed up, that�s all they all talked about, deals, deals, deals. It�s their drug,� she said. �Hmm, well, glad you had fun� I offered up. �Thanks, what are you up to?� she asked. �Oh, just working on some one-liners for my next blast email� I answered. �Oh, great� she said. I am not even sure if she got it. Process. I hate that word. Only because it was abused and abused in the early 2000�s by every company in the world. It was just another bullshit word, plucked from obscurity or non-use and then inserted into the workplace vernacular on a daily basis. Just one word, in a long line of stolen letters, assembled to become the �it� word of the quarter by every single ridiculous non-original thinking conglomeration. It was the hot fashionable, trendy word of the working day. It was the Banana Republic to last seasons Gap; it was the Dolce & Gabbana to last seasons Prada. It was in, it was hip, and it was now. It followed the other notables as the late 90�s �Synergy� followed by �Table this� followed by �Revisit�. The same way the word �Client� replaced �Customer� or the word �Channel� replaced �Pipeline� oh, it�s enough to make me sick when I really lay thoughts to it. �Sheep� That�s my word. And next year I am going to strip it down and replace it with �Baah� The only reason I bring up this idiotic wordplay is that I am going to use the word, well, more so the action. I am going to �Process� my feelings on the whole skiing; I don�t know where my funny son lives, thing. Process, say it with me Bean, you can do it. Proooocesssss. Sans therapeutic help, no $150 an hour, expensively tailored, beautifully manicured woman sitting across from you with a notepad (where I am sure it was written; eggs, butter, Kiki�s birthday, underwear for Frank, have DSL installed). I am going to sort these feelings out on my own. I am going to go for a run, a walk, a swim. I am going to�. Oh fuck it, it is what it is. I wasn�t swept away by a tsunami. Put it in� �Perspective� And next quarter, I can �Focus� on it. � � 
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